It’s been a long time and so much has happened

What started out as a promise to blog everyday for 2013, hasn’t exactly turned out the way it should have. I find myself in April, with my last blog entry being back in January! How has this happened? How has time gotten away from me so quickly? And how, has it been so easy for me to break my own promise to myself?

The truth is simple. Lots has happened on the love, work, life, health front and blogging just fell to the wayside. I can’t guarantee that won’t happen again, but I can guarantee I feel bad that I haven’t been on here and I will try harder.

In a nutshell what’s been going on to keep me so busy? Well here it is (in the brief format, and I hope, over the next month or so, to go into it into more detail):

  1. The Lieutenant – it has been on and off, and then on and off.  We are now, since yesterday on an off, an off with no contact allowed.  As I talked about before, the Lieutenant wasn’t long out of a relationship when we met.  The aftershock (as I like to think of it) of that relationship is continuing even now.  Emails from the ex, reminders of the boy she cheated on him with, little things that you can’t run away from, keep happening.  And then, with me, he realised he was falling in love again.  And he consciously stopped himself because he didn’t want to get hurt.  As soon as he did it, he knew he had to let me go, until his heart was ready to love again.  It hurt.  But I believe he has done the right thing and I am prepared to let him go, in the hope that one day he will come back and he will be ready to love.  We tried being friends, but whenever we met, there was a clear sexual tension in the room.  The night would end with kissing and then tears.  It is best to stay apart until his heart has healed.
  2. Health – you may recall I had a scare at the end of 2012.  It was the thing that topped off the so called ‘worst year of my life’.  I had an abnormal pap smear test.  Then in January I went to the colposcopy clinic and was told that it didn’t look like anything.  The results came back, and it is something.  I am booked in for a large loop excision of the transformation zone (LLETZ) next month.  It’s a scary prospect and the more goggling I do the more scary it gets.  We all know that if you look anything up on the internet, it always point to death.  I am staying positive, and will blog about this to give my perspective for anyone going through the same thing.
  3. Work – I slog my guts out for very little reward.  This coming week will see what reward I get.
  4. Life – my life is getting more and more simple and that is the way I like it.  My puppy and I have spent this Easter chilling out and enjoying each other’s company.  Which is exactly what we were doing today, when this picture was taken:
Too tired to play

Too tired to play

After a long walk around Sydney Park, Jess was tired.  Too tired to play.  And today’s #fmsphotoaday is ‘play’.  A great pic and a great memory to kick start this blog again!

 

 

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Yesterday was plain awful

Annie was one of my favourite musicals as a child.  I knew it word for word, had the soundtrack and sang and danced my way around the house (often, I’m sure, annoying my Mother).

Yesterday I had some bad news.  Before Christmas I had applied for an apartment to rent (in Sydney, the rental market is pretty tough, if you’re a single female with a large dog and limited budget, it’s even tougher).  I was hoping for good news.  I found out, by looking on the real estate agent’s website that they had leased the apartment to someone else.  No email or phone call to let me know.  Nothing.  This follows them calling my manager to ask details about my salary and to confirm my job was secure.  Details I don’t really want to give to just anyone.  They received the best reference in the world and still, they gave the house to someone else.  It made me angry (that they hadn’t bothered to contact me).  Then it made me sad.

Today’s #fmsphotoaday is “heart”.  When I heard the news that I didn’t have ‘my’ house, my heart broke a little bit. 

One black, one red.  One bad, one good?

One black, one red. One bad, one good?

But then, I remembered two things:

  1. This is my year.  I will not let these things get to me.
  2. As Annie and Daddy Warbucks sing in the final song, “Yesterday was plain awful, you can say that again.  Yesterday was plain awful, but that’s, not now, that’s then.”

Then, just when I was feeling better I read about someone else who was suffering from a broken heart. A heart far more broken than mine. After reading Cilla and Jessie’s story, I held my own fourteen year old puppy a little closer and said a little prayer for Cilla’s owner, Jodie and companion Jessie.

Here’s to 2013 bringing some better news (and a bit of luck) our way.  Our paths may be stormy but there must be sunshine ahead.

Don't confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean that you aren't headed for sunshine.

Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean that you aren’t headed for sunshine.