Missing my man

Since Sunday, the day the Lieutenant left, I’ve found myself so often going to pick up my phone to send him a message because something has reminded me of him. Sometimes it’s something I’ve seen, sometimes it’s something I’ve achieved, sometimes it’s just something I know he would find amusing. And I love his smile, so anything I can do to make him smile, I would.

Writing this post is making me smile because it’s making me think of him. And even though I haven’t heard from him since we agreed to no contact, the thought of him still makes me smile. I don’t know if he’ll ever come back but, I do know that he has affected me in a way that no man has in a very long time. In truth, the only time I’ve felt this way before, was over ten years ago.

My relationship then was intense. I was seventeen when it began and nineteen when it ended. I was heart broken (as was he) when it ended. And I remember being stood outside Uni, having just got a really good mark (or grade) in an exam, and pulling out my phone with a huge smile on my face, before realising that I couldn’t call. He wasn’t there anymore. And then I cried.

He was my first love and though I know he was far from perfect, since that day, I’ve searched high and low for someone who would understand me the way he did, someone who would laugh with me, who would smile with me, who would cry with me the way he did. And I found that man in the Lieutenant. But he is gone. And I have to accept that. The real question is, how long will this feeling last this time? And more importantly, how long before I find someone else who understand me in that same way? Another ten years? I don’t think I can wait that long.

It’s only be two days but I am consumed by thoughts of him. Surely this isn’t normal. I am not the type to get “hung up” on a guy.

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Let’s go crazy, crazy, crazy…

Work isn’t a happy place at the moment. This is a new job for me (I started in October) and the team I have joined are a little dysfunctional. I came onboard because someone new had been put in charge of the business development and marketing team, and he needed some extra people. I was told from the outset that there was unhappiness within the team but, it’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before. There is tension, anger and a horrible atmosphere. I can’t say anymore that coming to work is a joy (which I used to this time last year when I worked for the best firm in the world, with the best people in the world).

Today’s #fmsphotoaday is ‘something yellow’. I looked around my office for inspiration and I saw the yellow post-it notes (or sticky notes as the Aussies would call them). I burst out laughing. This is something that doesn’t normally happen in this office and it may have broken that horrible atmosphere for just a second (whilst everyone is wondering if I’m crazy). It reminded me of a time in London, I was working for an American law firm and my manager and I were on a teleconference. The most boring teleconference in all the world. We were imitating sleeping to each other and doodling, and then, out of nowhere, we started sticking post-it notes all over our faces! Yes, had anyone walked in, they would have carted us straight off to the mental hospital. But we laughed, and laughed and laughed. And that call became easier, easier and easier the more we laughed (of course we had muted our end of the conversation).

It’s not that I’m advoating silliness in the workplace but, sometimes you need a little bit of light hearted ridiculous fun when the presssure is on and when things aren’t very nice. And if something can make you do a good old belly laugh, then it’s worth it.

I relived that moment today and stuck post-its on my face. No one here noticed…

Post it notes on my face.  I'm a little bit crazy!

Post it notes on my face. I’m a little bit crazy!

…then I got an email from a Partner from the best firm in the world, telling me it was his first day back after the Christmas break and he could see a giant yellow duck on Sydney Harbour. I told him I could see the same on a big screen at Martin Place. His response was simply “Are you sure we’re not just sharing the same apparition?”. My answer, “We could be. They might cart us both off to the mental hospital but, at least we’ll have each other!”

Giant yellow duck on Sydney Harbour.  Maybe I have really gone crazy?

Giant yellow duck on Sydney Harbour. Maybe I have really gone crazy?

So that’s two yellow things and one slightly mental blogger seen today!

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life

2013 has begun. With it comes the resolution that I know I never seem able to keep. Will I be able to write something about my life every day? I have a friend who is an absolutely amazing blogger. I read her blog every day (Bumpy road to bubba). She is unbelievably successful and I love sharing her journey.
I hope that I can achieve the same here, and that I will be able to share my life and this year’s achievements, emotional moments and laughs with you.
I also began the #fmsphotoaday challenge today (another thing inspired by my blogger friend). So here it is, day one, today (relaxing in a clean house getting over the New Year hangover).

Relaxing in a clean house getting over the New Year hangover

Relaxing in a clean house getting over the New Year hangover

With the New Year, comes reflection and hope. As Michael Buble would sing, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me, and, I’m feeling good.” This is going to be my year, I just know it!