Putting my eggs in just the one basket and hoping for the best

Last weekend, I was sat at home attempting to build flat pack furniture. I can highly recommend not doing this, and if you do have to, make sure you have a glass of wine to hand and can get up and walk away from the blasted thing as often as possible. For the first time in my life, I really missed having a man around to do this sort of thing for me. I’m pretty happy to be able to say that, as I have a lot of friends who jump from relationship to relationship and it’s almost like they’re not complete without a man in their life. I am very happy to say that is not who I am. I never have been.

When I’m single I am always open to the idea of a new relationship. I’ll even admit to sometimes, when it’s been a while, yearning for someone (at points I have prayed for anyone) to kiss me (and maybe do some other things too) but I have never felt that need to constanlty have someone in my life. It’s always just a ‘would be nice to have’.

Anyway, it’s been several months (well it had been before Friday night) since I had even been kissed. At New Year I hoped for the chance to put a wrong right when I received a random message from a friend of a friend, and as I was sat swearing at the flat pack, I received the message that I had been hoping for. Only now, since the Lieutenant is in my life, I didn’t want to receive that message. So here’s the situation.

The unobtainable man, whom I have known since 2007, moved back to Sydney in 2012. We met up, things got a little hot in the kitchen (literally, we were cooking dinner together when he first kissed me, it was very romantic), and then they progressed. After a perfect night together, we messaged each other daily and had plans to meet up again. Then, I did the stupid thing. I got drunk and I sent a message I shouldn’t have. I didn’t declare my undying love or anything like that, but it made him nervous. We continued to talk but we never met up again. So his message on Saturday was asking about meeting up again. Had this come two weeks ago I would have been ecstatic.

But, the Friday after my birthday, I met the Lieutenant. He is delicious and amazing but he has also very recently, been hurt by a betrayal. As much as we are not an item, I know if I were to meet up with the unobtainable man, it would crush him. And that is something I just cannot do.

Ultimately, I have played it very cool. I don’t know where things are going with the Lieutenant but I know that he is more important to me than testing the waters with the unobtainable man. And, that is, in itself, a pretty big thing to say. At the same time everyone I know is telling me to date them both. Neither has committed to me, so why commit to them? Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. But I’ve always been the gambling type, and right now, my money is well and truly on the Lieutenant.

Putting a wrong, right

Today’s #fmsphotoaday title is ‘something new’.  It’s the second of January, and the second day of my year.  I have returned to work but, that isn’t new.  That is in fact pretty old and sitting here at my desk, it certainly feels very old (and boring).  So I got thinking, what in my life is new?

I have a new attitude and I am feeling very positive about the days ahead.  I’m sure there are a lot of people feeling like that though.  I found myself looking up, around and finally down, when it struck me.  I’m wearing something new!  My gorgeous flame haired best friend sent me some beautiful lingerie all the way from London.  Today, I am wearing it, and my boobs look good!  Very, very good (even if I do say so myself).

Now I’m not looking to turn this blog into ‘that sort of blog’ (do they exist?) so the photo is actually of the beautiful earrings I was sent alongside the lingerie (sorry guys)!

A beautiful pair of earrings from my flame haired friend in London

A beautiful pair of earrings from my flame haired friend in London

Without someone to show it off to, new lingerie is certainly a luxury and one that I really enjoy.  I’m not wearing it to draw attention, but because it makes me feel good.  That’s not to say, I wouldn’t enjoy the right kind of attention if it came my way.

Last year, I discovered that I had unwittingly drawn the right kind of attention without realising it. I met up with a ‘friend’ who I had travelled with.  We met and spent three months travelling through 19 countries, with 39 other ‘strangers’ in 2007.  We hadn’t seen each other since.  Whilst we were travelling I had a boyfriend, and in no way tried to draw attention to myself or get other boys’ attention but, it seems I had drawn the attention of the most eligible (and unobtainable) bachelor on that trip.

To meet five years later and discover that this strong, passionate, determined man still held a flame for me was just the ego boost I needed after a horrific break up.  Our fling was brief and ended with a drunken text message that I sincerely regret sending (come on, we’ve all done it).

On New Year’s Eve, the day before I started writing this blog, I received a facebook friend request from one of this man’s best friends.  I messaged back explaining that I didn’t think he had the right person and that I didn’t think we’ve ever met (we definitely haven’t).  Then I messaged my unobtainable man and asked him about the message from his friend.  He always replies (even since the drunken text mistake), but there has been radio silence.

Being a person who overthinks things until I know the reason behind them, I can’t get this out of my head, and have come up with three options as to what has happened (of course, I had to try and see the possible good in all that happens, so option number two, is pure fantasy):

  1. A genuine mistake – there was another girl who looks similar with a similar name and we got confused somehow.
  2. Does he still think about me? Could it be that my unobtainable man was talking about me in a positive light?
  3. The stalker – Has this      friend just looked through the friends of the unobtainable man and asked any girl of a certain age to be his friend?

In reality, number one is probably true.  I hope beyond hope, that it is definitely not number three! Best case scenario, it’s number two and 2013 will give me the opportunity to put a wrong, right. Why not? After all, it is my year.

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life

2013 has begun. With it comes the resolution that I know I never seem able to keep. Will I be able to write something about my life every day? I have a friend who is an absolutely amazing blogger. I read her blog every day (Bumpy road to bubba). She is unbelievably successful and I love sharing her journey.
I hope that I can achieve the same here, and that I will be able to share my life and this year’s achievements, emotional moments and laughs with you.
I also began the #fmsphotoaday challenge today (another thing inspired by my blogger friend). So here it is, day one, today (relaxing in a clean house getting over the New Year hangover).

Relaxing in a clean house getting over the New Year hangover

Relaxing in a clean house getting over the New Year hangover

With the New Year, comes reflection and hope. As Michael Buble would sing, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me, and, I’m feeling good.” This is going to be my year, I just know it!