A note from Jess, the most beautiful border collie in the world

Mumma’s a bit busy so I thought I would share details of our first night together. I normally live at my Dad’s but something happened (Mumma says she’ll tell you about that later) and last night I stayed at Mum’s new house. Anyway, I thought I would write a note to my Dad telling him all about my adventures:

Dear Dad,

So last night was my first night at Mum’s new place. She keeps saying that this is ‘our’ new home and I don’t really get it because I live with you, right? Anyway, it was really good initially, she took me there and then went away. While she was gone, I found the hiding place for the toys. They aren’t even in a box – awesome! So I played with gingerbread man for a little bit and then I realised the back door was open. Woot!!

There is grass, Dad! Grass that I can roll in and have heaps of fun with. So, when Mum came back half an hour later, I was hanging out in the back garden. But then, Dad, I realised I had gone outside but I didn’t want to step on the mats to come back in. They are scarier than tiled floors. So I just stood for ages with my head poking through the door whilst Mum did my dinner. Eventually she grabbed my collar and pulled me through the door (meanie) and tried to make me eat.

I'm not coming in Mumma!

I’m not coming in Mumma!

But, Dad, she got me stainless steel bowls! You know I don’t like them. Why would she do that? The one I drink water out of is a one off. I don’t want to eat from them. AND, the food is up high right at my head level, so I don’t have to bend down to eat, how weird is that? I know I like to stand below the step at your house to eat but the food is on the floor not up high. I don’t understand. I think Mum has strange ideas sometimes. So anyway, I made her hand feed me .

Then we played in the living room for a bit and then I fell asleep at Mum’s feet. She tried to lift me onto the sofa but I don’t like to be carried so I ran away.

When it was bedtime, Mum put my new bed (I know it’s my bed and I kinda like it) in the hall right outside her room. What was the point in that? Her bed is really big and heaps comfy so I jumped up there. She kept telling me to go wee and pointing to the backdoor but that would mean walking across the scary mats again so I refused. She dragged me out Dad!! DRAGGED ME!!

This is my bed, right?

This is my bed, right?

Anyway, I came back in and we went to bed. Apparently we were meant to sleep but I kept watch and wandered around on the bed every five minutes to make sure no one disturbed Mum. Every now and again I would also tap her with my paw or stick my nose in her face just to make sure it was her and that she was ok. She seemed to get mad, and at 3:30am, she tried to make me sleep in my own bed (which she dragged into the bedroom). No way, Dad! I needed to keep watch and see what the house looked like in the dark. So I wandered around all night. I got tired at around 5am and climbed up onto Mum’s bed again and fell asleep next to her.

In no time at all, the alarm went off. Mum swore! And then we went to a new park and met new friends and a man gave me a treat and, there was a Pomeranian who had been shaved like me. Only his head and tail still had long hair! He looked like a lion though rather than silly, like me. And, Dad? I think he licked my bum?!

Anyway, we went back to Mum’s house and she opened the back door (and I think she expected to me go out there or something?) and she went to the bathroom. I just stood (on the tiles) and watched her shower and get ready. Then she gave me my breakfast in the stainless steel bowls again (she had seen me have a sneaky drink from one of them) and she kneeled down, looked me in the eye and told me she was not going to pander to me anymore.

Then she showed me the dog flap and how it works (she didn’t tape it up for me, Dad like you do) and then she left! What a cruel Mumma?!

When am I coming home to you Dad?

Jess x

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