For five minutes

Yesterday I gave up hope…for five minutes. I put my head in my hands, I swallowed back the tears and I thought about just not trying anymore. I thought about just giving up, not trying anymore, and that feeling was nice…for five minutes. It felt like, despite all the positive energy I have been trying to put out into the world, someone, somewhere is trying really hard to knock me down. The problem is they are succeeding….for five minutes. So what’s happened:

1. I was turned down for my first property application of 2013
2. I lost a receipt which is worth $100
3. My brand new Pandora watch which my parents had bought me for my 30th birthday just stopped working
4. I found out that in order to be fast-tracked for permanent residency in Australia I have to be the most senior position in my field in my company. Being second in command gets you nothing, meaning I have to wait two years before I can get any security in Australia.
5. I booked a weekend away and then found out that I am have to work that weekend which means I just threw away $500
6. I was turned down for my second property application of 2013 (which was beautiful and which someone else will now get to call home)

Seriously? All in one week? I know it can get worse but I am not sure I can take much more. And then I took five minutes, and I counted up the good things that have happened:

1. I have kept to my new year’s resolution (so far) and have blogged everyday
2. I have a beautiful puppy whose health is getting better everyday
3. I have a home, a job, money in the bank and family and friends all over the world
4. I have begun building bridges with my evil ex (who may not be so evil after all)
5. Everywhere I look there are people who love and care about me
6. There is a boy…(more about that another time)

Writing and reading the good things has made me well up more than the bad things did and it makes me realise that I do have to keep trying.

Today’s #fmsphotoaday is ‘something beginning with “t”. Now I struggled with this for a while. Trees, tip-ex (or ‘white out’ as Australians call it), toilet(!), tissue, t, t, t,….what on earth began with ‘t’ that I could relate this blog to? Then, as I was sat on the bus on my way to work, it struck me, ‘traffic light’. I hope the metaphorical traffic lights in your life, are always green, just like this literal one!

Here's hoping the methaphorical traffic lights in our lives are always green

Here’s hoping the methaphorical traffic lights in our lives are always green

This is my year, I will not give up. I will keep trying until every traffic light is always green (and so should you).

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Yesterday was plain awful

Annie was one of my favourite musicals as a child.  I knew it word for word, had the soundtrack and sang and danced my way around the house (often, I’m sure, annoying my Mother).

Yesterday I had some bad news.  Before Christmas I had applied for an apartment to rent (in Sydney, the rental market is pretty tough, if you’re a single female with a large dog and limited budget, it’s even tougher).  I was hoping for good news.  I found out, by looking on the real estate agent’s website that they had leased the apartment to someone else.  No email or phone call to let me know.  Nothing.  This follows them calling my manager to ask details about my salary and to confirm my job was secure.  Details I don’t really want to give to just anyone.  They received the best reference in the world and still, they gave the house to someone else.  It made me angry (that they hadn’t bothered to contact me).  Then it made me sad.

Today’s #fmsphotoaday is “heart”.  When I heard the news that I didn’t have ‘my’ house, my heart broke a little bit. 

One black, one red.  One bad, one good?

One black, one red. One bad, one good?

But then, I remembered two things:

  1. This is my year.  I will not let these things get to me.
  2. As Annie and Daddy Warbucks sing in the final song, “Yesterday was plain awful, you can say that again.  Yesterday was plain awful, but that’s, not now, that’s then.”

Then, just when I was feeling better I read about someone else who was suffering from a broken heart. A heart far more broken than mine. After reading Cilla and Jessie’s story, I held my own fourteen year old puppy a little closer and said a little prayer for Cilla’s owner, Jodie and companion Jessie.

Here’s to 2013 bringing some better news (and a bit of luck) our way.  Our paths may be stormy but there must be sunshine ahead.

Don't confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean that you aren't headed for sunshine.

Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean that you aren’t headed for sunshine.