The Saturn Return

Whilst I was away , or not blogging (I didn’t really go anywhere, I just didn’t take the time to put anything on here), I made the decision to see a person who specialises in astrological tarot. Now I know there are a lot of people out there who don’t believe in this sort of thing and I fully respect your beliefs. I however, am a person who reads my horoscope everyday, who is fascinated by the insight I read and no, I don’t believe that you can read anything you like into it. Does it always hit the nail on the head? No. But a lot of the time I find it does work for me and provide me comfort.

I am a little bit of a doubter though, so I was pretty skeptical when the lovely Leanda first arrived at my door. I was determined that she wouldn’t know anything about me, that way if she got things right, great. If she didn’t, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. We sat down and started the reading. I chose cards at random and placed them around the astrological chart that had been lain on the table. What she then told me shocked me, brought tears to my eyes and a slight shake to my voice and filled me with confidence for the future.

Firstly she told me about the ‘Saturn Return’. Now I’ve wikipedied (don’t you love it when you make up a word) it to give you an accurate description of what that means:

…as Saturn “returns” to the degree in its orbit occupied at the time of birth, a person crosses over a major threshold and enters the next stage of life…

Now, this generally happens at around 29 years old. Well, that makes a lot of sense. Leanda, having looked at my birth chart and my cards, described my Saturn Return as being the equivalent to someone playing ’52 card pick-up’ with my life. Oh, hello, that sounds familiar. So, it seems 2012 was meant to be a rather crappy year for me, and the reason behind it was to clear my life of old worries so that I could start on a new path.

The whole session was very interesting and, I am pleased to say that according to the cards, I am headed towards a very beautiful and satisfactory life. However, I’m still clearing up the mess that the Saturn Return left and tying up some loose ends. That works for me. Here’s to 2013!

Boomba

There’s a  new name being used in our house, “Boomba”.  I had a feeling that Jess was putting on a bit of weight.  If I’m honest her weight has fluctuated since we got her at eleven years old but today, I realised it had managed to creep up again.

When we rescued Jess, she was a very skinny 17kg border collie.  Now 17kg, isn’t that bad for her breed and she wasn’t starving or anything (though she was not at all motivated by food and would often refuse to eat) but you could easily have mistaken her for a border collie whippet cross (which I’m sure would be given a very amusing name like whipollie or bordepet (almost a little French sounding)). 

So, like any loving parents, we encouraged her to eat.  And, then at our first ever Battersea Reunion party (Battersea dogs home hold an annual reunion for all of their rescued pets in Battersea Park every year) there was a professional photographer, and as proud parents, we took Jess along to the stand.  I remember being so proud on the day, and then when we were emailed the proofs to see if we wanted to purchase, I realised our dog was overwreigh!!  How could that be?  Only months before (this was probably over a six month period) she was the skinniest little thing.  But now, she was definitely in need of a diet and exercise (not that she didn’t get walked several times a day) .

Since then her weight has always been good.  I’d say she’s always been on the heavier side of the ‘ideal range’ for her breed but she’s still in the ideal section.

Even today, as the scales went up and it became apparent her food portions and treats needed to come down, she is not classed as overweight.  Jess gets plenty of exercise, the walk back and forth to the vets was over 3.5kms

Let’s just say, it wouldn’t hurt her to miss a meal and with her arthritis getting worse, the weight needs to come back down.  So dinner was slightly smaller tonight, and my little fattie boomba, gave me a look of sheer horror when I refused her any treats from the cupboard.  This puppy is joining the unofficial Biggest Loser House!

Don’t worry pup, you’ll still get your goodbye treat when I leave for work in the morning (but your breakfast may have been a little smaller than normal).

It’s been a long time and so much has happened

What started out as a promise to blog everyday for 2013, hasn’t exactly turned out the way it should have. I find myself in April, with my last blog entry being back in January! How has this happened? How has time gotten away from me so quickly? And how, has it been so easy for me to break my own promise to myself?

The truth is simple. Lots has happened on the love, work, life, health front and blogging just fell to the wayside. I can’t guarantee that won’t happen again, but I can guarantee I feel bad that I haven’t been on here and I will try harder.

In a nutshell what’s been going on to keep me so busy? Well here it is (in the brief format, and I hope, over the next month or so, to go into it into more detail):

1. The Lieutenant – it has been on and off, and then on and off.  We are now, since yesterday on an off, an off with no contact allowed.  As I talked about before, the Lieutenant wasn’t long out of a relationship when we met.  The aftershock (as I like to think of it) of that relationship is continuing even now.  Emails from the ex, reminders of the boy she cheated on him with, little things that you can’t run away from, keep happening.  And then, with me, he realised he was falling in love again.  And he consciously stopped himself because he didn’t want to get hurt.  As soon as he did it, he knew he had to let me go, until his heart was ready to love again.  It hurt.  But I believe he has done the right thing and I am prepared to let him go, in the hope that one day he will come back and he will be ready to love.  We tried being friends, but whenever we met, there was a clear sexual tension in the room.  The night would end with kissing and then tears.  It is best to stay apart until his heart has healed.
2. Health – you may recall I had a scare at the end of 2012.  It was the thing that topped off the so called ‘worst year of my life’.  I had an abnormal pap smear test.  Then in January I went to the colposcopy clinic and was told that it didn’t look like anything.  The results came back, and it is something.  I am booked in for a large loop excision of the transformation zone (LLETZ) next month.  It’s a scary prospect and the more goggling I do the more scary it gets.  We all know that if you look anything up on the internet, it always point to death.  I am staying positive, and will blog about this to give my perspective for anyone going through the same thing.
3. Work – I slog my guts out for very little reward.  This coming week will see what reward I get.
4. Life – my life is getting more and more simple and that is the way I like it.  My puppy and I have spent this Easter chilling out and enjoying each other’s company.  Which is exactly what we were doing today, when this picture was taken:

Too tired to play

After a long walk around Sydney Park, Jess was tired.  Too tired to play.  And today’s #fmsphotoaday is ‘play’.  A great pic and a great memory to kick start this blog again!

 

 

A note from Jess, the most beautiful border collie in the world

Mumma’s a bit busy so I thought I would share details of our first night together. I normally live at my Dad’s but something happened (Mumma says she’ll tell you about that later) and last night I stayed at Mum’s new house. Anyway, I thought I would write a note to my Dad telling him all about my adventures:

Dear Dad,

So last night was my first night at Mum’s new place. She keeps saying that this is ‘our’ new home and I don’t really get it because I live with you, right? Anyway, it was really good initially, she took me there and then went away. While she was gone, I found the hiding place for the toys. They aren’t even in a box – awesome! So I played with gingerbread man for a little bit and then I realised the back door was open. Woot!!

There is grass, Dad! Grass that I can roll in and have heaps of fun with. So, when Mum came back half an hour later, I was hanging out in the back garden. But then, Dad, I realised I had gone outside but I didn’t want to step on the mats to come back in. They are scarier than tiled floors. So I just stood for ages with my head poking through the door whilst Mum did my dinner. Eventually she grabbed my collar and pulled me through the door (meanie) and tried to make me eat.

I’m not coming in Mumma!

But, Dad, she got me stainless steel bowls! You know I don’t like them. Why would she do that? The one I drink water out of is a one off. I don’t want to eat from them. AND, the food is up high right at my head level, so I don’t have to bend down to eat, how weird is that? I know I like to stand below the step at your house to eat but the food is on the floor not up high. I don’t understand. I think Mum has strange ideas sometimes. So anyway, I made her hand feed me .

Then we played in the living room for a bit and then I fell asleep at Mum’s feet. She tried to lift me onto the sofa but I don’t like to be carried so I ran away.

When it was bedtime, Mum put my new bed (I know it’s my bed and I kinda like it) in the hall right outside her room. What was the point in that? Her bed is really big and heaps comfy so I jumped up there. She kept telling me to go wee and pointing to the backdoor but that would mean walking across the scary mats again so I refused. She dragged me out Dad!! DRAGGED ME!!

This is my bed, right?

Anyway, I came back in and we went to bed. Apparently we were meant to sleep but I kept watch and wandered around on the bed every five minutes to make sure no one disturbed Mum. Every now and again I would also tap her with my paw or stick my nose in her face just to make sure it was her and that she was ok. She seemed to get mad, and at 3:30am, she tried to make me sleep in my own bed (which she dragged into the bedroom). No way, Dad! I needed to keep watch and see what the house looked like in the dark. So I wandered around all night. I got tired at around 5am and climbed up onto Mum’s bed again and fell asleep next to her.

In no time at all, the alarm went off. Mum swore! And then we went to a new park and met new friends and a man gave me a treat and, there was a Pomeranian who had been shaved like me. Only his head and tail still had long hair! He looked like a lion though rather than silly, like me. And, Dad? I think he licked my bum?!

Anyway, we went back to Mum’s house and she opened the back door (and I think she expected to me go out there or something?) and she went to the bathroom. I just stood (on the tiles) and watched her shower and get ready. Then she gave me my breakfast in the stainless steel bowls again (she had seen me have a sneaky drink from one of them) and she kneeled down, looked me in the eye and told me she was not going to pander to me anymore.

Then she showed me the dog flap and how it works (she didn’t tape it up for me, Dad like you do) and then she left! What a cruel Mumma?!

When am I coming home to you Dad?

Jess x

Oops, I did it again

I’ve not been very good at this blogging malarky lately, have I? Since I moved into my new place, a home of my own, where I thought I would actually get more time to sit down and type, I’ve barely blogged a thing. I can only apologise and let you know that I haven’t given up or forgotten about you, or about my personal challenege for 2013.

I think maybe expecting to blog every day was a little much. But, then again I view this in the same way I view going to the gym. I aim to go at least four times a week. It is a rare occasion I make it to four, but with this goal in mind, I generally make it to three which is pretty satisfactory. If my goal were three times a week, I’d probably only make it twice and then wouldn’t push myself for the third session. So, you see, it’s all relative. Not that I’ve actually been to the gym since moving house either, but I can promise I’ve been doing a lot of sweating and lifting whilst getting things sorted (and that kind of makes up for things).

So, what else has happened since we last ‘spoke’? The house is really starting to shape up and I am really happy with it. I’m waiting for a few more things to arrive (hurry up Australia Post) before I can have the gorgeous Jess move in with me (she is currently with her dead beat human Dad) but her first visit to her new home will take place on Sunday. Jess, being a fourteen and a half year old border collie, is a pretty sensitive soul. She doesn’t like change and as much as I know she will love the new place, and will love being back with her (human) Mumma again, throwing her in at the deep end will not be good for her. So, we’ve agreed to do a few visits beforehand so she gets used to the place before she is with me full time. Preparation seems to be taking forever but it will all be worth it in the end.

My Friday night man (I think maybe I need to come up with a new name for him as it currently sounds like I only see him on Friday nights which is totally not true, so from here on in, he shall be ‘the Lieutenant – yep, you guessed right, he’s a military man) has been an angel. We spent all of yesterday together and I thoroughly enjoyed his company. Just thinking about him makes me smile. We’re taking it one day at a time and as much as we had said we needed to cool things off whilst he grieved for his last relationship, we realised we’re just not very good at that. I guess that electricity is still flowing between us.

On a more serious note, today was a day I had been dreading. In November last year I went for a Pap smear test. I’ve been having them since I was 18 and have always been fine, so I wasn’t even the slightest bit concerned. Well, not until I received a voicemail from the doctor’s surgery asking me to come back in to talk about the results. It turned out they had found some ‘possible’ abnormal cells and I needed to see a specialist. It seemed to top off what had been a very bad year. I recall when I was made redundant actually saying (and being told not to jinx things) that “the only things left to go wrong, would be for me to have a major health scare”. Then, it was like “hello, major health scare, thanks for joining the party”.

But that was last year. This year is going to be a good year. I am pleased to report that the specialist took some swabs for further tests but couldn’t see much else. It looks like (and my fingers are well and truly crossed) everything is going to be alright. Yay for 2013! Yay for good news!

I know I have a lot of #fmsphotoaday posts to catch up on, and I promise I will. Seriously, I promise!!

It’s getting hot in here…

Today sees me nursing another hangover. Tomorrow will see the same. And tomorrow is moving day. I’m not sure hangovers and moving actually mix very well together but I can let you know about that tomorrow (well, I can if my internet is working).

What I can tell you don’t mix well together are hangovers and heat. Sydney boiled today with the thermometer reaching 45 degrees. Standing waiting for a bus in that heat, when your heads all fuzzy and your mouth is dry is not nice. Not nice at all. My hangover actually wasn’t that bad, it was just exemplified by the heat. But what worried me more was the though of my poor little border collie, sat at home (with all fans on and plenty of water) boiling. I hate seeing her uncomofortable and especially when there is very little I can do to help. Yes, I can shower her down with the house. I can give her ice-cream but I can’t make it cool enough for her.

Jess is used to the weather in the UK. That’s where she was born and where she lived for the first twelve years of her life, so this sort of heat is totally alien to her. She would much prefer the cold extremes of the UK to the desert heat we are experiencing. She does however love, Aussie winters as she knows that we will stay out for longer because it’s not as cold. Some people think bringing her over was cruel. I think it would have been crueller to have her put to sleep because of a decision I was making about my life, or to make her start again with another family. Jess is a rescue dog so being abadoned is not something she should ever experience again. She is also a huge part of my life, and wherever I go, she comes with me.

Today’s #fmsphotoaday is ‘Shadow’ and though I can see my shadow creeping across my desk (which means it’s nearly hometime), when I think of Shadow I think of only one thing. A dog that was a big part of my life for a few years. My ex’s Mum’s dog (a german shephered, collie cross) who is gorgeous. So here’s Shadow (who is probably enjoying the snow in the UK, rather than suffering in the heat in Australia).

The gorgeous Shadow

For five minutes

Yesterday I gave up hope…for five minutes. I put my head in my hands, I swallowed back the tears and I thought about just not trying anymore. I thought about just giving up, not trying anymore, and that feeling was nice…for five minutes. It felt like, despite all the positive energy I have been trying to put out into the world, someone, somewhere is trying really hard to knock me down. The problem is they are succeeding….for five minutes. So what’s happened:

1. I was turned down for my first property application of 2013
2. I lost a receipt which is worth $100
3. My brand new Pandora watch which my parents had bought me for my 30th birthday just stopped working
4. I found out that in order to be fast-tracked for permanent residency in Australia I have to be the most senior position in my field in my company. Being second in command gets you nothing, meaning I have to wait two years before I can get any security in Australia.
5. I booked a weekend away and then found out that I am have to work that weekend which means I just threw away $500
6. I was turned down for my second property application of 2013 (which was beautiful and which someone else will now get to call home)

Seriously? All in one week? I know it can get worse but I am not sure I can take much more. And then I took five minutes, and I counted up the good things that have happened:

1. I have kept to my new year’s resolution (so far) and have blogged everyday
2. I have a beautiful puppy whose health is getting better everyday
3. I have a home, a job, money in the bank and family and friends all over the world
4. I have begun building bridges with my evil ex (who may not be so evil after all)
5. Everywhere I look there are people who love and care about me
6. There is a boy…(more about that another time)

Writing and reading the good things has made me well up more than the bad things did and it makes me realise that I do have to keep trying.

Today’s #fmsphotoaday is ‘something beginning with “t”. Now I struggled with this for a while. Trees, tip-ex (or ‘white out’ as Australians call it), toilet(!), tissue, t, t, t,….what on earth began with ‘t’ that I could relate this blog to? Then, as I was sat on the bus on my way to work, it struck me, ‘traffic light’. I hope the metaphorical traffic lights in your life, are always green, just like this literal one!

Here’s hoping the methaphorical traffic lights in our lives are always green

This is my year, I will not give up. I will keep trying until every traffic light is always green (and so should you).

Lots of eggs, lots of baskets

So, here it is. Today will either be filled with disappointment or gleeful smiles and jumping around the room. Let’s hope for the latter.

I have two property applications in. There were lots of people at both viewings (which took place on the weekend) but I am still hopeful that the real estate agent and landlord, look at my application and see something special and offer me the place.

As we all know, it would be silly to put all my eggs in one basket (which is why there are two applications in) but also, I have started to push the door open on another opportunity. An opportunity to return home.

I am not originally from Australia and I arrived here originally in December 2007, then left in January 2009, only to return in July 2011. When I came back, I thought this was it. I was engaged, I had the puppy I had yearned for my whole life with me and I had secured the best job in the world. What could go wrong? In truth, everything. 2012 saw me lose it all (including custody of my beautiful puppy who I still have access to but without a good property I cannot have full time).

Losing my job (which was all down to a very bitter and messed up reverse takeover between two accountancy firms) has meant that I have ended up in another job (great news) that I don’t like half as much as my last job (not so great news). It also means that I have to wait another two years before I can get permanent residency (“PR”) in Australia and therefore any security in my position here (without PR, if I lose my job, I have 28 days to find another one or get out of the country). But, let’s not dwell.

This has made me rethink my plans to stay. Can I cope two years with no security? I don’t think so. Could life be better at home? Maybe.

With this in mind, I have activated recruitment consultants in Bristol, England and Cardiff, Wales as well as looking into costs and process to take Jess back with me.

Our #fmsphotoaday photo today is ‘street’. Pretty approriate considering this property related post!

Where will the road take me in 2013?

This year, my year, both the ‘stay in Australian door’ and the ‘return home door’ are being knocked on. I wonder which will open?

Today I read, and wanted to share, someone else’s blog entry which I absolutely adored. Another one about new year’s resolutions which made me smile and feel all positive again. So here it is Sarah’s blog and here’s Neil Gaiman’s picture (from his Twitter account) which I absolutely adore:

Love, love, love this! Let’s try and live by it!